


delirium and clarity

by traintrackers



Category: Akira (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But Nothing Too Bad, But also, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, Pining, a bit of graphic violence cmon its akira!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28125543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traintrackers/pseuds/traintrackers
Summary: (this was written really badly, ive edited it quite a bit lol its still awful but at least its readable?)Tetsuo, hit with lightheadedness after loosing his arm, has a strange moment of confusion. Kaneda tries to help.
Relationships: Kaneda Shoutarou/Shima Tetsuo
Kudos: 19





	delirium and clarity

**Author's Note:**

> This takes in the scene tetsuo and kaneda intend to fight, just after tetsuo loses his arm. When i wrote this I hadn't read the manga so if this is out of character you know why lol. also theres a lot of changing tenses that i will fix later but rn its like that lol.... enjoy?

Tetsuo clutched what remained of his arm. He dug his fingers in, only hurting himself further, before letting out a guttural scream. His  
forehead was shiny with sweat and tears dripped out of his eyes. 

Kaneda, shocked and a little bit horrified, instinctively dropped the rock he had been holding. It's not as if he wasn't accustomed  
toviolence ( after all, he has bashed a lot of heads with pipes and broken into places he shouldn't be in) but this was way  
above his paygrade. 

Plus, Tetsuo had once been (maybe still is) his friend. His closest friend, perhaps. He had been friends with Tetsuo for years. 

Worrying about him came naturally and felt much too familiar even in the strange situation he was in. The concern washed over him  
and soothed his previous anger, reminding him of all the times he had stopped Tetsuo from taking one too many pills, reminding him  
of times where Tetsuo had patched him over after a too rough bike chase.

Too think just some minutes ago, he had been trying to shoot Tetsuo- with his own gun nonetheless! But seeing him wounded- and not by him, he would've never been able to do something like that to him- only left him feeling confused.

The violence hadn't changed anything. It usually did. It solved problems.

Need a bike? Steal it. Someone got a problem? Fight them. Need to rescue your friend who's acting a bit too strange? Break into a government facility, sure, why not!

But not this time. It wouldn't bring back Yamagata. It wouldn't put some sense into Tetsuo and it would definitely wouldn't make him any less angry. It just took Tetsuo's arm. 

He stepped down the pile of rubble and lowered next to Tetsuo.

“Do you... need... some help?” He tried, weakly.

But his friend (rival? enemy? stranger?) didn't answer. Tetsuo kept screaming, his voice cracking every second he continued. It didn’t sound as if he was doing it on purpose. Kaneda felt something in him break. (How cheesy! very unlike him).

“Listen man... if you'd allow me to be honest, you don't look so hot right now!”  
He waited for Tetsuo to pay him attention and answer, and frowned when he didn't get one. He just wanted this to stop. In general. He wanted Yamagata back. He wanted Tetsuo to stop wearing that stupid red cloak. Nevermind the clothes, truthfully, he just wanted Tetsuo back as how he used to be. Quiet, sardonic, competitive and a bit envious, but always caring, in his own way.

Tetsuo’s body, uncaring of what Kaneda might or not want and indifferent about Kaneda's own feelings, shivered and twitched uncontrollably, making his knees buckle to the ground. Blood gushed from his arm, but less than before. Tetsuo, after what felt like an eternity, finally raised his head again, teeth bared, face wet and caked with grime and dirt.

“G-go away” he spat out, forcefully. Trying to intimidate Kaneda, but failling quite miserably. He's not going to leave just yet, and so he told him so. 

“I’m not going anywhere, pal."

Tetsuo shaked and shivered, like a terrified animal too wounded to do anything but whine.  
“Shut up. Shut up!” Tetsuo said, voice wavering with pain. He clutched his arm strongly again, the pressure slightly stopping the stream of blood, and looked at him with glassy eyes.  
He spoke again.

“Leave me alone- ah-“  
He paused, moved his arm and carefully touched his forehead.  
“-my head. Ah. My head.”  
Tetsuo's voice was quiet, but it was a jittery cry that Kaneda heard just fine. 

Kaneda silently watched, recalling the time Tetsuo had suffered from a simmilar headache, back when he and Kaori had stolen his bike and gotten into trouble with those clowns. Tetsuo had been so angry and defensive that day, especially after Kaneda had chatised him for having to come and help. Then he had the headache and shortly after, those fishy scientists showed up. Kaneda had been very confused that afternoon, but he now realises that Tetsuo's behaviour was probably due to whatever the government had done to him the days before.

He felt sad again. He stroked Tetsuos hair softly, as if that would alleviate the headache.

He thought he was mad at Tetsuo, but he's not so sure anymore. He just wants him to stop acting strange. It hurt him when Tetsuo acted like Kaneda never cared about him and dismissed it as just mockery. He is a funny guy, sure, but he isn't like that. Not with Tetsuo. Or at least not always. He does care about Tetsuo. He has cared ever since he fought some random bullies the same day they met. And he still cares.

“No, stop it...” Tetsuo mutters, weakly.  
Kaneda pats his back instead, putting pressure into the strained muscles.

Tetsuo raises his head again, stares at Kaneda's general direction, with unfocused eyes.  
He looks confused.

“Kaneda?” He asks, faintly. His gaze cuts straight through him, and Tetsuo looks very unsure and out of place.

He realises all that blood loss might have made him lightheaded. It must have, for him to look as confused as he does. Mix that with that (seemingly) awful headache and Kaneda is not so sure Tetsuo even remembers how he got here.

“Yeah?” He asks back, as gently as possible.

“What are you doing here?”

Touché.

“Well, we were going to fight and all, but I don't think that's happening now.” He explains, putting his hand on the nape of his neck.

“Oh”

A beat passes. Tetsuo doesn't look at all enlightened with his answer.

“Why?”

For that, he doesn't have an answer. He doesn't even know what to answer. Why isn't the fight happening anymore? Look at your arm Tetsuo! Of course he isn't going to fight him like that! Why was the fight happening in the first place? Kaneda doesn't know either. Wasn't it the only way? Tetsuo was not gonna listen to him otherwise. At least with a fight he stood a chance. Maybe it just boils down to trying to stop Tetsuo from doing stupid shit.

Overwhelmed by the question, he stays silent.

Tetsuo winces again and looks down, looking even more horrified than before. He definitely doesn't remember how he got here, or what happened. 

“My arm...” he cries, tears building up, but never quite falling.

He presses his face to the dirt, breaths coming out as short gasps.

Weirdly, Kaneda wants to comfort him, not for the first time these past few days.

But unlike the other times, he follows his impulses.

He wraps his arms around Tetsuo, and Tetsuo stays limp, like a ragdoll. Kaneda isn't surprised. He's not big on hugs himself, but everytime he has hugged Tetsuo it's exactly like this. Kaneda will hug him, Tetsuo will let him without moving an inch, and when it's over he will look a bit flustered and Kaneda won't mentioned it. It's a bit strange, but Kaneda doesn't mind that much. At least the guy doesn't flinch. 

But this time after some time, after a few seconds, he feels Tetsuo's only hand raise, feels it close to his neck, how he almost

hugs Kaneda back-  
Only to push him instead.

Tetsuo looks at him and the junk surrounding them, switching his gaze back and forth, almost erratically. But he doesn't look lost anymore.

“Get off me!” He yells. His face his red, crimson.

Kaneda, instead, just feels vaguely disappointed. In general.

“I don’t need your help!” He yells again, averting his gaze. Kaneda can practically feel the shame oozing out of Tetsuo.

But he knows that already. He knows Tetsuo hates being helped. But he can't understand why it's so humilliating for Tetsuo to rely on others. Isn't he the leader of their group? What is his function, if not helping? Aren't they friends?

Suddenly, a blue, sickly light illuminates them both. The same blue light that had obliterated Tetsuo’s arm.

Is this finally it? He's not terribly worried. Right now, he feels quite empty.  
...

He prepares for the beam to hit, closes his eyes, scrunches his fists. 

Hears the beam go off. But... he's fine.  
...  
Tetsuo had stopped it.

And before he knows it, Tetsuo jumps, so high Kaneda can't see him anymore, and he instantly knows that whatever had been producing the beams is going to be broken soon enough. 

He looks at the rubbish and dirt and everything next to him, and his eyes focus on a figure with an orange jumpsuit. He knows that orange jumpsuit!

“Kei!” He breathes, and goes on to help her.

...  
Tetsuo, however, stays at the back of his mind, unmovable.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!! If so, Please comment! Im not english and I wrote this at 3 am and i barely proofread it right now as im on the train Omw to class so :/ yeah. ANyways please please comment!!!! i want to know what you think or whatever  
> Hugs!


End file.
